Discussion Questions
Questions you might ask a group to consider to help your organization decide what behavior requirements and expectations should apply to friendships—or perceived friendships—between adults and participants.
- Should adults in our organization be “friends” with participants? What does that mean in our context?
- How do we distinguish between a supportive, appropriate adult-youth connection and inappropriate familiarity or attachment?
- What are the risks of a relationship that feels like friendship, even if nothing inappropriate happens?
- Should participants ever be allowed to refer to staff or volunteers as their “friend”? How should adults respond?
- Can a staff member be friends with a participant outside of programming if the relationship started in a different context (e.g., church, family friend)?
- How do we handle friendships that predate enrollment in the program (e.g., neighbors, former babysitters)?
- How do we recognize when “friendship” is being used to gain trust in ways that could be grooming or manipulative?
- Should there be different expectations based on the participant’s age or the adult’s role?
- How do we train staff to preserve empathy, warmth, and trust without sliding into friendship-like dynamics?
- What should a staff member do if they find themselves emotionally over-attached or unsure where the line is?
Behavior Requirements & Expectations
To help your organization describe boundaries that preserve healthy adult-participant relationships without crossing into inappropriate emotional attachment or grooming risk.
- Staff and volunteers may not form or maintain personal friendships with minors or vulnerable adults during or after their time in the program. This includes informal communication, social invitations, or private relationships that fall outside organizational oversight.
- We recognize that trust, connection, and emotional closeness are central to effective support work. But these must be expressed through professionalism and consistency, not personal friendship.
- Participants may refer to adults as friends, but adults must never encourage or reinforce that dynamic. It’s the adult’s role to maintain respectful distance, even if the participant desires closeness.
- We understand that some adults and participants have prior relationships (e.g., family friends, neighbors). In these cases, boundaries must be clearly redefined, and the relationship disclosed to supervisors at the outset of programming.
- Adults may not use personal experiences, emotional disclosures, or flattery to build closeness or encourage loyalty. These behaviors blur professional lines and may be signs of grooming, even unintentionally.
- We believe that professional care is more reliable and protective than friendship. Participants benefit most from adults who show up consistently, enforce structure, and model safe relationships.
- Staff must avoid inside jokes, nicknames, private language, or exclusive behavior with individual participants. These are markers of inappropriate closeness and may isolate others or mask manipulation.
- If an adult finds themselves emotionally dependent on a participant or seeking affirmation from them, they must speak with a supervisor immediately. Recognizing and responding to early signs of over-involvement prevents harm and protects careers.
- Mentoring or therapeutic roles that encourage connection must be backed by policies that clarify professional roles and prohibit dual relationships. Even in long-term support roles, boundaries must be monitored and maintained.
- When in doubt, choose structure over closeness. Warmth is part of the job, but the line between mentor and friend must remain clearly drawn.